today...same like our council normal day..we went to sch in e morning to do orientation stuffs..yet..again, i haf to go off early..haiz..i really felt so sad and felt bad tat i had to go off early..cuz my mother wasnt happy tat i stayed in sch till so late..hai...but in the end..so wad if i went off early..i still got scolded..haiz..y is it like tat..its really tiring..handle both sides...felt bad towards my dear councilors and towards my mother..suddenly i felt like breaking down..i felt tat i cant go on already..and..y is there no one that is able to pull me up.. u noe..jus now i went reading shu yun's blog and saw what she wrote..i suddenly felt alot.. joining council had let me learn lotsa things..and..it also let me noe that sometimes, things jus don go the way u wan..it is always unfair.. u noe..when shu yun is down, theres lotsa ppl inspiring her..to keep her going..but me? i really donno..i really scare that one day..i might nt be able to go on already.. mr leow said..we don haf e attitude, the spirit.. but..its nt tat i don haf..i had..initially..really..but..when my morale is low, who is there to inspire me? tats y my attitude, my spirit..getting weak..sometimes i really feel tat its unfair..y am i nt given e chance to do certain things? y do i feel so alone in council? u noe..i've been trying hard...trying to do things to show tat i really do luv u guys..but..y...y do i jus feel so alone till now..is it really my fault? i really donno..i do wanna do well in orientation. TIs orientation is OURS, its MINE!! i really want it to be well done..but besides tat..wad i really wish most is tat we will enjoy orientation to the max, after orientation, we will forged strong friendship...tats my wish..but i really donno when will tis day come..is it really my fault? u noe..sometimes i jus feel so unappreciated and useless in council.i felt not needed..nt important..and..i might juz as well get lost..no one will be affected at all de ma..rite.. haiz..im so tired..hanging there alone..
---cloudy cloudy
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